Why Seek A Serious Relationship with a transwoman?

Nov 12th, 2010 | By | Category: Relationship Advice to TO Men

Relationship Advice for TO Men

Why Seek a Serious Relationship with a trans woman?

By Admin

As this website states an interest in promoting serious relationships between transoriented men and trans women, it is necessary that we attempt provide a reasonable argument in defense of long term relationships compared to living one’s life through a series of short term, primarily sexual encounters.

The first point is this; that sexual satisfaction is but the basest of human satisfactions and that from a relationship a great many other satisfactions can emerge. Feelings of appreciation, trust, sharing experiences to name a few, but most importantly, the forming of a deep intellectual and emotional connection.

When a member of a happy couple passes, the remaining partner does not cry for the lost sexual satisfaction, what connected them and made them happiest together was a connection far more substantial than the superficiality of sexual relations. I believe, that a life which offers at it’s most intimate moments, merely sexual joy, is a relatively empty world in terms of emotional satisfaction.

Point two; that a happy relationship is the cornerstone of a life’s experience, and that what helps to ensure that cornerstone, as a loving and satisfying one, is finding a partner that truly fits with the needs you want to satisfy. To live in denial of seeking what truly attracts you, and by not allowing such a relationship to be built with considerable effort, is to deny oneself the opportunity to live a life in a truly happy relationship.

Point three; I believe that for a man, the heart is drawn to where the eyes see beauty. If one isn’t in awe of their partner’s beauty, then the emotional connection is not likely to be strong. So one must follow their attraction, if they are to feel passionate love. This may appear to be superficial, but keep in mind that tastes vary considerably. A man doesn’t need to find the world’s most attractive person to be intensely attracted, they just need to find the type of person that reflects beautifully in their mind. It’s no secret that heterosexual men, while they might gasp at the beauty of girls in the magazines, can and often do go gaga over girls who by comparison, in the eyes of most, appear relatively plain. It’s that capacity to adore, that enables a man to progress in stages of relationship satisfaction, providing that couple finds compatibility and that they have the character required to build a strong and happy relationship.

Anyone who says love is easy is either a fool or a god. When love finds us, we better be prepared for a tough ride, but it’s the best ride in town.

Kahlil Gibran said of Love:

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden. 

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.

But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.

When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

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14 Comments to “Why Seek A Serious Relationship with a transwoman?”

  1. Mac says:

    As once was popularly said ‘I like the cut of your jib, my man’. Nicely put,

  2. Elizabeth says:

    I ask why not seek a serious relationship with a trans woman? Are we not deserving of love, just like everyone else? Don’t we wish to experience life’s greatest gift, just like everyone else? Aren’t we as human as everyone else? I grow tired of being treated like an alien from a distant planet or as if I’m some new curiosity of which no one has heard or seen until now. I have come to the conclusion that the world will never fully accept us until our men show the world know that they stand behind us and with us through thick and thin, for better or worse, until death do us part.

    • Nick Clark says:


      I rather recently discovered that I am a trans-oriented man. Cut to the chase: through some cosmic connection among millions of possibilities and across thousands of miles, I found a trans woman – a Bakla – in the Philippines with whom I am in love and she with me..

      On one of my profiles I say that I want a serious relationship with a Bakla. I have been all across the sexual continuum, from straight to gay to bi. But in each port I just felt out of place, or rather, there was no place for me. As friends, straight and gay men and women are wonderful. But, as a life partner, not so much. I am learning so much and it is liberating. I am planning to visit her in June, 2014. We will see what becomes of us, between now and then.

      Thank you so much for your comment.

      • JS says:

        You said it better than anyone before. At least considering how similarly I feel. I don´t know why I feel out of place romantically with cis gender women and have no urges for gay guys, although I can be more open with them than “normal” straight men. I´ve always felt that in order for me to really fall in love I have to be me, just a guy, with what I would describe myself 60/40 female/male brain. And although I´m tall, I´ve never felt that I am the big man that my body resembles. I definitely wouldn´t say I´m 100% straight, but masculine features really don´t work for me. I always thought that if a man is pretty enough, I would be gay for him but no. Not after the penis either, it wouldn´t bother me too much though. It has to be a trans…I feel like a mess right now. Luckily I play in a band and compose music, so I can get some anxiety pressure out that way, without going full-retard 🙂

        I have talked on facebook with a lovely transwoman from the Philippines lately and I´m really on thin ice. Do I really have to travel half the world and all the trouble to find my true happiness. Or ask her to fly here, Finland. She is studying and working on community development -field, so not asking for money, not selling herself, just all around nice and really brave young woman from a good family. Of course I´m ready to assist her, but I´m not rich so it´s just something little for me, but due to value of euro could be a lot to her. Anyway, she knows I´m an artistic, kind man, and she´s not after my money. I am, let´s say young 38 she mature 20 years old. Feels like my head is spinning, and heart is aching for her. She is maybe the most understanding person I have ever talked to, and I feel the connection is on a spiritual level, while my body aches to be beside her.

        Thanks for reading. And that poem by K.Gibran made me cry by the way…yeah I feel like all the genders in me are producing some hormones 🙂 Deep down I feel I am androgynous more than anything.

    • me says:

      I would date you

    • Scot says:

      If you are still out there (your post was May 29th, 2013, 5:40 pm), please be aware that for me, new to this site, and just now reading your post, it is a magical moment.
      In a good magical way; I believe in synchronicity, the working together of life, connecting in ways that potentially can over come time and space. My point in writing to you? What if I am reading this from you now, to connect to a time/person, long ago, and I have thought forever lost, albeit not forgotten. It is too much to believe you are THE Elizabeth…or could become, THE Queen Elizabeth for me-to me. Please, See below.

      Where I am living right now, the calendar says it is May 29th, Friday, 2015. It is 5:22 pm as I write this….two years after your post, here I am. I can not see your profile picture, it is just a thumbnail to me. However, the next words I write may help you, or others, to understand my excitement. Could just be silly. Yet, only God knows what is possible…

      In the Dallas/Fort Worth area of Texas, USA, I once (1975 or so; one way or the other in time) was taken to a gay bar. I was a neophyte. I had never seen such a huge group of folks who were so happy…being gay. Drag Queens; Drag Kings. Just regular folks. I drank it all in. I had only had sexual encounters in the past of a gay sort of way, that were brief, separated in time, but not integrated into a happy way of life. I drank alcohol, loving every minute of the floor show; there was a drag show on stage done, in which i joined, briefly, jumping up on stage to lip-lock-kiss a person, who had on a gold shiny evening dress, whose name turned out to be……yes, Elizabeth! A wondrous, beautiful, Drag Queen, who I longed to serve. So the kiss seemed appropriate at the time. It worked out well enough.
      The person who brought me to the saloon/bar, encouraged me to ask Elizabeth to come home with us. A “date”, with a stage performer? Great!
      Elizabeth and I had a night under a blanket on the floor of the living room. The next day, I had to face the fact that I had to go back to Alaska, to work as an air track driller (blowing up rock to help make the ditch for the Trans Alaska Pipeline. Trans? Alaska? Ironic?), so there was no future for me there, then. I got distracted on the pipeline, and just did not get back there. Please forgive me my clearly adolescent fantasy: is it Kismet that I arrive here on this site now, to read a post from a Elizabeth, who asks about a serious relationship between a person like me, and a person like her? What if? OK, stop laughing…could be???

      I am crying. I will get over it soon, of course, but I am feeling a crush of emotion at the thought of how much happier I might have been, if I had had the focus, and courage, to go back to Fort Worth, what, 40 years ago? My sponsor there-then, Jacqueline, was…maybe too wonderful for me to allow my self to go back to visit. God only knows…
      What if…?
      I am a Montanaman-in-Alaska since 1957-present. I married two Texans in Alaska, at different times,but in a row: one from Denton, one from Muleshoe, both women.
      I am not emotionally available for a serious relationship today; I am recovering from all the trauma of 2009’s cancer, etc., and 2012. Both in body, mind, and spirit. However, if I do marry again,it will have to be as a complete person, marrying a complete person. Meaning I have to be completely integrated in my orientation, and I need to have that other person be a magical female top, and male bottom, for us to be complete. Beyond just the great sex that could be possible. I am ready to serve another person; just this time, we have to be more right together than i have ever known before. Or I would rather just be another old guy with my animals as best friends…Thanks for posting, two years ago. Pray you are well. I pray you actually read this, and be warmed by the thought that you have made my day better, just by being you, asking about serious relationships…
      My body is pretty beaten up now, so who knows how that would work out anyway, and my finances are drained, and still draining, from the past events. Hope springs eternal,for those of us who survive long enough to appreciate the gift of life. You are no alien to me, Elizabeth. More like a Unicorn, a magical being who I have been seeking all my life…I love to ride horses, look forward to riding again. Riding a Unicorn would be great, or rather, riding WITH a Unicorn would be great. Good day. Good night. Good dreams to us all.

  3. Jake says:

    I just noticed something that reminded me of some of the key points brought up on this website as well as this article. On Craigslist under the personals section there is a category for women seeking women, women seeking men, men seeking women, and men seeking men; however, the only place where there is transgender for male and male for transgender is under the “Casual Encounters” sections. Did statistics show the web designers that there was no need for these pairings anywhere on craigslist (like say….the personal section) except for under casual encounters because not enough males are interested in legitimate relationships with transgender women? Did the web designers do this because they believe these type of relationships are taboo? Was it another reason? I don’t know, but there is definitely harsh discrimination against transgender women in American culture, which can be found many places, and transoriented.com was a great idea. Just knowing that there are plenty of other men who are transoriented can help us break free from the poisonous cultural schemes that have no place for us and which preach hatred. I believe that as transoriented men we have an obligation to stand up for the transwomen we inherently desire and to revere them. Thanks transoriented.com!!!! Lets see to it that this type of sanity proliferates!!

    • Caine says:

      Not to be a prude about details, however posts for long-term relationships with transpersons on Craigslist are to found under “miscellaneous romance – t4m”. I do see your larger point, though.

  4. Dollfan says:

    I agree with your thoughts on relationships and love. Certainly these women are deserving of love just as everyone else. There is different thought to consider. Before finding this site I had coined the term “trans-bi” to refer to my orientation. I usually say I’m attracted to women and people who look like women. Then I heard something very profound from a female bi woman on a sex podcast. She said that while she’ll go down on a woman in a heart beat, she sees herself in a long term relationship with a man (incidentally she is in a poly marriage). I think I see my trans-bi -ness the same way. I love my Transwomen sisters and friends and lovers. I am also in a poly marriage. When I think long term, I find it difficult to imagine myself in a marriage (poly or otherwise) with anyone other than a woman. I guess as the longest friendship I have with a trans woman is only approaching 10 years, maybe things will change.

  5. Nerfetiti says:

    I am training as a lawyer and hoping for a good job to help raise funds for my complete transition, I look more like a girl in boys clothes these days…which makes my heart tickle and smile 🙂 I may be called naïve for being so happy about my body since I live in a country (Lagos-Nigeria) where being LGBTI is a criminal offence, but I don’t believe I am less of a person, I am a beautiful, intelligent young woman, and the stubborn streak in me keeps me going, I plan to leave this place for good and transitioning is a choice I am making for myself alone, not for some man, don’t get me wrong I LOVE men, i consider dating a macho and intelligent man a dream come true, I have met a few men online, who only wanted me to pose naked for them, which was absurd because perverts only want to objectify us transwomen and too many men who hate us, are scared that they are attracted to us. I hope to meet new friends here and fill this void with honest human interaction, just because of the closed minded society I live in, I am not a victim, I found myself, I am the woman in me now. Peace and Love!

  6. Scot says:

    I just found this TransOriented website recently, as a result of somehow watching a video of a person who was defending men who love Transexuals…I was blown away. I had never thought anyone would defend me, let alone a Trans sexual person. It always seemed that I would be the one defending us…now I see I have been a coward most of my life. I was not gay; not really bi; just attracted to the combination person or persons…
    I am 61 now; have survived deadly cancer, an accident in chemo therapy that turned deadly, then developed a third deadly condition…
    I have survived.
    In the past,each time there was a crisis in my life, I would seek out sexual experiences reminiscent of my first summer of love, 1964 or so, when I became imprinted on my adopted cousin’s Debbie and David at the same time. From then on, my sexual identity was fluid, my orientation was open. I enjoyed contact with people, not gender specific people…a tripod seemed to make sense, so Jeanne, John, and I worked for awhile. I have been married three times to women, and in serious relationships 39 years of my life. I prefer marriage. Yet, all of them have been compromises.
    The idea of being able to find, love, and be loved by a single, complete person (female top-male bottom), is worth living for again.
    The idea of finding a person who completes me in that way is heart stopping, or breath stopping. It never occurred to me that a trans person would accept me…I would definitely defend such a person,against all comers…Need to stop writing now. I feel silly; vulnerable; goofy; immature even. Wow. Plan to continue to study on this website…Glad it is here…

  7. Ryan Gillaspia says:

    I agree with you Elizabeth. I’m standing strong as a trans oriented man. I’m out to most family and close friends. Also dating a gorgeous Transexual currently. I love and accept her.

  8. This site has absolutely taken my breath away! I have felt so alone for so long and to find there are people like me out there, men like me who love and affirm trans women is astounding and so reassuring! It reassures me, it gives me hope that I am not a freak. Recently, I have been telling people I am bi. And that is because I prefer non-op trans women. But it is also inaccurate because I don’t actually really like the other parts of the masculine body: hairy chests, stubble, large feet, muscles…I love softness…with a little extra down below!

    What I appreciate most about this site, though, is the careful attention given to demonstrating to all of us readers how important it is to activate the whole of your personality in a relationship. There is so much more to loving someone than what you do in the bedroom! As this admin posting thankfully reminds. The bedroom is significant, but nowhere near as significant as what it feels like to share a quiet moment with the other person just enjoy the peaceful beauty of God’s creation. In other words, being at peace with one another and with yourself and your God. True love is found in moments of such quiet repose. It can also be found in dancing and jumping around to loud, raucous music; it can also be found on carnival rides screaming and laughing; it can also be found in holding hands and taking a walk or sitting on a bench and sharing a sunrise or sunset; it can also be found in a simple note jotted on a napkin to say, hey sorry I missed you, have a great day! It can also be found in wrestling around with the dogs on the carpet…SO MUCH! So much more than putting this into that…That is what I want: love…And there is one word for the type of love I am looking for: friendship…

    I am so grateful for this site! I will be on here for as long as it is up! I want to validate our loved ones, the transgender women of the world. I want them to know freedom from discrimination and violence. I want to see them able to realize their dreams whatever they may be. I want to see them be able to be out and open and productive as citizens. I want to see them in my place of worship: front and center and embraced along with all of God’s beautiful creatures. Ultimately, I want to see our loved ones, trans women, happy. And I want to be married to one…Dear Lord, hear my prayer!

  9. Troy K. says:

    Here’s an interview I did with my good friend Diamond Stylz about being a trans-attracted man. We talked a lot of issues and its an hour long. I hope this helps.


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