Should I Come Out?Nov 13th, 2010 | By Admin | Category: Relationship Advice to TO Men
Relationship Advice to TO Men
Should I Come Out?
Perhaps the greatest obstacle to most transoriented men pursuing relationships with transgendered women is their fear about what others will think, say and do. If there was no fear of ridicule, condemnation or simply confusing their friends, family and associates, I’ve little doubt, transwomen would be knocking back dates with a stick.
Though I don’t believe the ridicule and condemnation is as bad as many men fear, it certainly does exist to a degree and won’t be going away quickly. Certainly, we have a long way to go also, before confusion about such relationships abates to a level that allows transoriented men to feel no different to heterosexual men when it comes to discussing their relationship or introducing their transgendered partner.
Sometimes when we enter into our first trans relationship, their is a kind of excitement about our own self-discovery and romantic feelings that make us want to shout it from the roof-tops. My suggestion is to control that urge. Whilst you may feel proud and fearless, the fact is, most people do not want to know, aside from the fact that it generates some gossip material. They care as little as we usually do when we observe an acquaintance going through the gaga stage of a romance.
That said, it’s nice to be able to share self-discovery, excitement, anticipation and concerns with our close friends, so if you’re lucky enough to have some, I’ve found they almost universally accept the news warmly and encouragingly, albeit, often with a lot of potentially embarrassing questions and quite likely a lot of jokes, that may at times, be a bit inappropriate. Their first instinct tends to be to focus on the aspects of genitalia, sex and the apparent gayness of the relationship, something that is often found to be discordant to our feelings about the relationship.
Another thing to consider is that your transwoman partner, should she ever meet your family or associates, may not want them to perceive her through a distorted or prejudiced lens, especially if she’s quite passable and hence those people would tend to treat her more normally, without being distracted by their thoughts on recognizing differences from what they might consider a normal girl, if they aren’t at that stage aware of her transgenderism.
For those you do decide to come out to, this website was in part created for such a situation. We hope to provide more and increasingly pertinent information so that friends and family members may gain a knowledge, appreciation and more comfortable acceptance of your orientation, your partner and your relationship, without the awkwardness and difficulty of answering many questions.