It Just Fits Me! – by Chris

Nov 11th, 2010 | By | Category: Why I Love Transwomen

Why I Love Transwomen

It Just Fits Me!

-by Chris

For almost as long as I can remember, since the age of about 15 when I happened across a magazine with photos of women with penises, I found myself drawn, more strongly than to other sexual attractions, to the physicality that I’d seen in that magazine. Of course I knew little of what I saw back then, it was later that I learned what a transsexual or transgendered person was.

Never-the-less, for whatever reason, I had some proclivity sexually to be attracted to transwomen from quite early in my sexual development.

In my years through adolescence, from the age of about 11 on, I was strongly attracted to girls, their beauty, but I also found myself attracted to boys on occasion, an attraction that was more sexual than aesthetic. In other words, I didn’t find boys attractive to look at, but on the occasion when a boy had some aspect of what I perceived as feminine attractiveness, I found myself sexually attracted  and even experimented at times. No emotional attraction or relationship ever came from these experiences. It was the girls that broke my heart always.

As I matured, I had several relationships with women, though I never felt completely satisfied with them sexually or emotionally. Once things got beyond the excitement of falling in love, I soon began to wane in my attraction and sense of satisfaction. For 20 years or so my life was often single with a few relationships with women from time to time, relationships that tended to turn more into friendships than passionate affairs. Though it’s a bit embarrassing to admit it, and I admit this only in the interest of helping us to understand the mind of a transoriented man better, I sometimes had dreams that my girlfriends had a penis and remember feeling somewhat disappointed upon waking and realizing it was just a dream. This happened with most of my girlfriends.

I’d experimented by visiting some clubs over the years and had encounters with a few feminine boys and drag-queen types, usually under the influence of alcohol when my fears were abated. Such encounters were considerably more satisfying than my sexual encounters with women. However, fears about being judged by others prevented me from exploring this attraction or pursuing any relationships. There were times when gay men pursued me, but I found gay men did not suit my attraction. Most outward appearances of masculinity were and are a turn off. Being gay, was something I had ruled out. I wasn’t sure what I was or how I fitted into the world of sexual orientation. I think it would have been easier if I were gay, I would have had like minded friends, role models, support groups to direct and advise me. But not feeling like a gay man, I think I was particularly paranoid about possibly being outed as one. The label is not one that sits comfortably with me, nor most the men, that I’ve since got to know, who are attracted to transwomen. That’s not because they are in a closet, it’s that they don’t identify with the portrayals of gay men that are part of our cultural experience.

A tragic incident a few years ago gave me a new perspective on life. Some good must come of bad things thank god. It made me realize that a loving relationship is the center of a happy man’s life, that life is too short to try to live it as you think others want you to or to be scared of what others may think. Not long after that, I decided to see if my attraction to transwomen might lead to a satisfying relationship. I was traveling to the Philippines, and decided I would find a transwoman to meet and spend some time with.

I met a girl online and straight away liked her. A bright and funny girl, after just a couple of weeks of chatting, I found myself, to some surprise, quite transfixed with wonder, to pardon the pun. I still struggle to find the words to describe how it felt those first few days as we became closer. It wasn’t like anything I’d felt before, it’s a little like my heart had been turned on, like it had been lost. I described it to a friend soon after, that I felt like I’ve been a dog trying to date cats and had finally met another dog. Not the most appropriate metaphor, but I think you’ll get the meaning. It felt like she just fit with me, and what surprised me, was that the compatibility was not based on the sexual aspect, though that aspect is considerably more satisfying than my experiences with non-transwomen, the satisfaction and attraction came more from an emotional satisfaction, a compassion and empathy that had alluded me in previous relationships.

One may wonder if it was just the person, and certainly, to a degree it was, because I was lucky to meet such a charming, intelligent and lovely person, who treated me kindly and warmly. But, it also was clear to me, that she represented a different type of person, that her transhumanity was something concordant with my desires and emotions. Certainly I do not fall in love with every transwoman I meet, just as a straight man doesn’t fall for every woman he meets. But what was clear to me, was that I knew I was meant to be with a transwoman, and since that meeting, I’ve never doubted it.

I don’t know the reason I am drawn to transwomen, I just know that I am. I don’t think it is some Freudian sexual hangover from youthful impressions, I believe it’s in my very nature, that I was born to be oriented emotionally, spiritually and sexually to that type of person. A person with some combination of female and male aspect, and somewhere within that realm, my heart and senses connect most strongly. I think we are all multi-sexual to a degree, that there are a wide array of aspects crossing genders that satisfy our various desires to different degrees. For me, the weight of those coalesce and find their greatest mental and emotional satisfaction with some transwomen.

And part of those array of desires, and the concomitant satisfaction they bring, include the satisfaction we get from building a relationship. So having found where my compatibility lies, the next step is to build a relationship. Accepting that I am transoriented in my 40s is a bit like returning to early adulthood. For the first time in life I see the point to pursuing a relationship, to wanting to live and work not just for my own satisfaction, but with the goal of having a partner for life.

I wish that this resource had been around 20+ years ago so I might have recognized and been encouraged to be myself and let my heart go where it yearns. Hopefully, a new generation will emerge, confident of who they are and fearless of prejudice and misunderstanding. Men who have the confidence to accept themselves and give transwomen the respect and love they deserve.

Just for your interest, I am presently in a relationship with a wonderful transpinay and working towards living together permanently.

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39 Comments to “It Just Fits Me! – by Chris”

  1. Dale says:

    Great article, Chris. Serious congratulations on finding your transpinay angel!
    Hoping to follow your example later this year. 🙂

  2. vic says:

    Thanks for this website to exist and to your testimony. Congratulations to you and to your little ts lover.
    I would love to find also a special girl like her and have a real love story with her. If u have recommandations on where to go to date ts which are sincere, educated and really want a love story, please be kind to give me your suggestions. I am 35 y old and when i read your story, i thought it was my story. Take good care of u and your love.
    Vic, ( France )

    • Admin says:

      Hi Vic,
      Glad the story touched you!

      A good way to meet a girl is a subject worthy of an entire article. I hope to write one soon as it may be of interest to a lot of reader who are new to pursuing a relationship with a transwomen. For a quick summary, I’d suggest trying to meet some girls on http://www.dragoncastle.net or http://www.dateinasia.com or on our sister websites http://www.cebuladyboy.com or http://www.angelesladyboy.com if you’re planning a trip to Philippines.

      Be warned, that on the first 2 sites, the girls who are the most aggressive in approaching guys are sometimes seeking to take monetary advantage more so than finding a serious relationship. That doesn’t mean that all girls there are, just as some guys are seeking mainly temporary pleasure from transwomen online while others are looking for a serious relationship. Just be careful and don’t get involved too seriously, espeacially financially until you’ve met a girl in person and had time to understand her character and your compatibility.

      Thanks for your kind words and good luck. If you know what you want, I believe you’ll find happiness soon.

  3. hank says:

    Other fora of interest:

    http://www.lb-69.com/forum/
    Affiliated with a porn style site the forum is quite good and contains many good articles (though with a primary focus on the pornographic aspects)

    http://forum.transladyboy.com/
    A rather broad forum featuring both the pornographic and other more serious aspects.

  4. robert says:

    Fantastic article, Chris.
    I feel like you and “It Just Fits Me” applies to me a 100%, even though my motivation is a lil different one to yours. But this is another story to tell in due time. I am new in this website and found it coincidentally through a member of the ladyboy dating site “http://www.ladyboykisses.com”. So i read all i can and learn a bit too. I am currently working on getting a visa for a very pretty woman (lb-girl of course) from the Philippines.

    • Hal says:

      How do you think you can bring a ladyboy home? I’ve spent 5 winters in the Phils and had had several ladyboy girlfiends, but it seems impossible to bring one home. So I think I may have to just stay there.

      • six5two10 says:

        Chris’s relationship testimonial really rings home with me. Each of us has our own unique set of circumstances of course, but I surely relate to “it just fits me!”

        I want to respond Hal’s question about bringing your ladyboy lover back to the states. Although I am just beginning a relationship with a Filipina LB, I have thought through my strategy for bringing her back to the US. (BTW, I met her through DateInAsia.com.) This is what my research has turned up:

        First, this process only works if you are willing and able to marry her. Because of the demise of the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), the U.S. Bureau of Consular Affairs now will issue the “fiancé(e) visa” (K-1) to a same-sex fiancé. Here are two links to read: about fiancé(e) visa http://www.uscis.gov/family/family-us-citizens/fiancee-visa/fiancee-visas and about same-sex marriage http://www.uscis.gov/family/same-sex-marriages . You obviously will need to wed in a state where same-sex marriage is now legal. Based on recent announcements, my bet is that by the end of 2015, the U.S. Supreme Court will make same-sex marriage legal in all states. This is a list of the status of same-sex marriage in all 50 states: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Same-sex_marriage_in_the_United_States .

        I won’t go into how this process works here as these resources and many others describe the best ways to go about it. Several years ago, a U.S. service man brought his Filipina LB girlfriend back to the U.S. and married her. This was a big news item in the Philippines. Of course, that marriage is not recognized in the Philippines. But there are a few churches in the Philippines that will perform symbolic wedding ceremonies for same-sex couples where you could bring her family together for the joyous occasion. We will return to the Philippines to live permanently after we are married in the U.S.

  5. Johnny says:

    Hi, that was an interesting post, and it resonated with me in many ways. I too have long been fascinated by transwomen, even before I had ever heard that word. I remember figuring out what The Kinks’ song Lola was about when I was about 14 and being intensely aroused. Then many years later disappointed when I saw The Crying Game and whats-his-name gets sick when he see’s Dil naked at last, wondering how in the world he could have stopped then? (I know that is sort of silly of me, but I would have been delighted to be surprised in that way!) I have been dating a transwoman for a short time, and I like her, but (sadly) I can tell that she isn’t that in to me (and is very anti-romance too). Anyway, this is a great site and I look forward to spending more time here in the future. Best to all, Johnny

  6. Peter says:

    Thank you very much for this personal insight.
    I was unhappily married for thirty years and am now divorced. I found a really nice educated Thai woman who wants to marry me but I realise that though I enjoy the sex and all the associated relationship details, it is not one hundred percent satisfying. I have a strong attraction to ladyboys and would like to pursue this further.

    Your article has given me hope and direction.

    Thank you once again.
    Regards
    Peter

    • Mac says:

      Dear Peter

      Just don’t fight your transattraction. Just don’t. You’ll only end up hurting women who don’t deserve it (and who will never ‘get it’) and you will become more and more unhappy. Find yourself a nice transsexual, a ladyboy if you are in SE Asia, and get ready for the roller-coaster ride. But if you are one of us, that’s it. Don’t deny it or even try to.

      Please don’t abuse transgirls; the ones you meet on LBKisses and sites like it, eg ThaiFriendly, are generally not sex workers and have been abused by plenty of male adventurers already. They’re just nice girls looking for a man. And remember, Asians don’t date the way Americans do; it’s not a meat market. Behave respectfully, always. Just treat them the way your mother would want you to treat a woman and be prepared to be given so much love…so much.

      Good luck

  7. Kendel says:

    Hi Chris,

    I loved your article!! To me it was such a relief. It helped me finding my sexual identity. I always thought in gay, bi and hetero sexual boxes. I started considering myself bisexual, because I like women and mostly transwomen. I had sexual experience with men though, but I missed the feminine touch. Your story sounds soooo recognizable. Before your article I didn’t even consider this as an option. Although sexual orientation is just a part of your character, for me it was very important to get this clear for myself. Also I can now visualize being in a real relationship for the first time. I could never visualize it before, because I was thinking of a woman or a man. Now I realize that it has to be a transwoman. And if that’s what makes me happy, I don’t have to care what other people think. Thanks Chris, once again, for your lifechanging article!

    Bye bye,
    Kendel
    (Netherlands)

  8. Lynn says:

    Thanks Chris. As a 63-year old man who has just discovered his abiding affection for this sexual orientation and deeply aware of its importance and rightness for me, it’s nice to hear your comments. I remarked to my friends, Korean and American, that it wasn’t as though this was some great epiphany, but more like a bigger appreciation that the sun rises in the east. I wish I had come to this realization earlier in life, but we don’t live in a perfect world. I hope to have my Filipina friend with me soon.

  9. John says:

    I can relate to almost every world of this.

  10. Sandra says:

    Hi Chris,

    Your entry is entitled “WHY I LOVE TRANSWOMEN” and that revelation would be very remarkable; so I read with interest, but, about half-way through, you say,
    “I don’t know the reason I am drawn to transwomen, I just know that I am…” and so I am none the clearer. (I never really expected a definitive piece, but that’s life. If ever you work it out… no… my advice is to enjoy what you are and what life has to offer. We live in somewhat enlightened times and hopefully, men expressing liberated viewpoints will become more commonplace.
    WHY I LOVE NICE PEOPLE…. That one is easy! WHY I’M SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO CERTAIN PEOPLE….
    I’m a tranny… wished I’d been a female, but hey, I am what I am and I get on with life. Some men (nice, mainly “straight”) men and some women, fun, nice (“straight” and some “gay” women) attract me (sexually). Confused? Or just interesting? One has to be careful and optimistic! 😉

    • Admin says:

      Thanks Sandra for your thoughts. I guess “Why I Love Transwomen” is as tough to answer definitively as asking why one is gay or straight. The important message I guess is that we’re all built differently, in terms of emotional, physical and sexual attraction and we’re better off accepting and embracing that, than trying to deny it.

  11. Douglass says:

    I really enjoyed your story and basically agree with alot that you’ve stated here. I am 58 and had an different experience growing up with my contact with Trans women. I mostly agree we males experiencing this attraction and more to the point mindset and heart that put us in a place open to receive and appreciate what Trans women have to offer to the world. I do believe in multisexual experiences which religion teaches is wrong and judges folks on. Thank you for sharing.

  12. JakeP says:

    Thank you for this website and for sharing your experience as a transoriented person. I’m a young man and I’ve been attracted to transgender women for years, and I’ve struggled a lot to come to terms with my sexuality …I used to only think of sexuality in terms of gay/straight/bi and I don’t completely fit into these categories (btw where do transorieted men fit on the kinsey scale? lol) It never occurred to me that loving transgender women is an orientation… even though this is my orientation! I appreciate your efforts to help establish a community of transoriented men. We shouldn’t be left in the dark and attraction to transgender women shouldn’t be seen as a fetish…there are transgender women out there who deserve honest guilt free love! I’m very happy to have found your website. I can relate to your story and I hope all goes well with you and your woman.

    Best,
    J

  13. Elizabeth says:

    Hi Chris, thank you for you post I found it interesting and enjoyable. I was able to relate to your story from the perspective of a transwoman. I am transsexual, mtf, and I’ve looked for a man who genuinely loves transwomen as women and not as fetishes, sex objects for some fantasy. I have come to a point where I will not have anything to do with a man if he is unwilling to make a commitment to me in the form of a relationship based on love, respect and all the good things one person and give to another in a loving relationship. I was beginning to despair that no such men existed and for me they still don’t, at least not until I find one myself.

    • DION.. (and I am white) says:

      Hellow miss Elizabeth..I’m a transoriented man and I too have quit because I once had a wonderful relationship over seas … And now ..in the US. Well I can’t seem to meet people.

  14. Comm1r says:

    I always envy to man who can put his feelings into words. Great article. I am not so brave. Good luck!

  15. Elizabeth says:

    I’ve been absent from this site for some time and decided to revisit today. I know that I’ve already commented on this article, but I thought I would add that your statement of men in the future “being confident of who they are and fearless of prejudice and misunderstanding” being both encouraging and optimistic. Even at my age perhaps it’s not too late for me?

  16. Linda says:

    Thank you for website and sharing your thoughts and experience about loving Transgender people Chris. I am very much involved in Transgender people world and I find myself to feel so much better and comfortable, when I am with TG girls. I was in love with Transgender woman, she was my true love and always will be! I understand you very much! If wish can contact me at my another email:sally.richardson3@aol.co.uk.
    All the best!
    Linda

  17. Jennifer says:

    Thank you for this article, and for the comments which followed, they were really good to read.

    I am a newcomer to this site — and relatively new to the general idea of men who are attracted to trans women. I came across this article somewhat accidentally. I’ve been doing a lot of searches on line in an attempt to understand my own sexuality and gender identity, and this one came up. I’m delighted it did, and really enjoyed reading it.

    So thanks for writing it, and thank you as well for setting up the site. It seems like having a safe place for people who feel this way to come together to share their thoughts and feelings is a really positive and wonderful thing!

  18. […] chaser dialogue frames trans women as “a person with some combination of female and male aspect.” No matter how much the chaser gushes over how beautiful a woman you are, that’s […]

  19. James says:

    Someone further up asked where they could meet transgendered girls to date.
    You could try myladyboydate.com or mytranssexualdate.com both run by a transgendered female and her boyfriend. These are decent dating sites though not hookup sites, they are designed for people who want a romantic connection rather than just a sexual encounter.

  20. Z. Allora says:

    Great article!!! I really enjoyed it!
    I write LGBTQ romances. I’m very excited because on Nov 17th my first transgender romance comes out: Illusions & Dreams.

    Illusions & Dreams
    Randy Camster failed at being married. His life now centers around work, TV sports, and listening to his friend Jake complain about how Randy’s lack of a sex life will be the downfall of mankind. Not true! Well, not totally. He’s just never understood the fascination with sex until… ladyboy performer Lalana Dulyarat shimmies into his world via an Internet ad for Thailand tourism.

    Jake O’Neil’s open pansexuality yields him interesting bedmates, but he’s never chased after the mythical illusion of love. He focuses on others, like his best friend Randy, who needs a Bang-Cock vacation. Finding an adorable little imp named Boon-nam wasn’t on the itinerary. Gay, straight, and undecided, Jake has had ‘em all, but never a virgin aching to take a walk on the kinky side after having her affirmation surgery. Talk about pressure. And what’s with everyone warning him not to break her heart? His is the one in danger.

    http://www.dreamspinnerpress.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=5695

  21. Charlie says:

    It just fits me too. 🙂

    I can trace my attraction right back to when I was around 6 years old, there was a transvestite on TV and I made some comment about how I though she was beautiful. Of course my family thought this was hilarious and all started laughing, telling me it wasn’t a real girl. I felt quite crushed by the criticism and I still remember that feeling.

    I think I pushed my feelings down inside me after that. I have no sexual attraction to men at all, and I am attracted to girls but can never quite click with them romantically, I’ve never ever been able to form a proper relationship with a girl, even when I thought it was what I really wanted, and they wanted me too, just like in the authors experience, we would just end up great friends.

    But with transgender women, I’m excited to be with them in every way.

  22. Rob says:

    Thanks for the great article. You mirror my feelings almost to a tee. What else can I say except that I am very glad I found this site. It supplies great insight into the feelings that we talk about here.

  23. TransLife says:

    A very interesting article, it’s always great to see people being open in these matters. However I do wonder, and since it seems that you have a great bit of experience dating trans women. I understand your sexual (or not) emotions towards a trans woman, but do you understand that if not all, 99% of them plan on making an SRS in order to complete their male to female transition? What are your feelings towards that? Even though the porn industry shows the opposite, most trans women are not comfortable with their male genitals. And since you are talking about relationships, how would you act when that time came for your partner? I would love to hear your point of view on that Chris 🙂 Thanks again for the great article!

    • Admin says:

      Hi Translife,
      It may be a regional issue, but I suspect more trans women are reconsidering genital reassignment surgery as a must do for transition. I’ve met a few dozen transwomen, most asian, and only a few have either had genital reassignment surgery and/or wish to. One of those, in China, mainly wants it, as without such, it is illegal for her to change documentation. Another, who had the surgery years ago, told me she wishes she hadn’t, and discourages others from doing so.

      Regarding my own attraction, and most of the transoriented men I know, they are less attracted to post operative trans women, in the sexual sense. So for me and most others I’m guessing, having a partner that goes through GRS would be a challenge to the relationship. I guess it depends on what aspect of the relationship binds them most strongly.

      In the long run, I think sexual attraction plays second to emotional attraction, and perhaps, through an emotional attraction, sexual attraction can be learned to be expressed in new ways.

      Thanks for raising the issue, it is a bit of a conundrum that requires thought and contributions from those with experience.

      Chris

  24. Soulmatify says:

    Hi,

    Great article. Maybe you would like to check our new site Soulmatify: http://www.soulmatify.com

    We also start to fill it with girls from asian countries. Ladyboys and transgender is allowed there too.

    Its still small we just started but we are the first site to give away shopping vouchers to our female members.

    Its free for both, male and female.

    Regards from Germany
    Gerd

  25. Tom says:

    Hello, not knowing where to turn, I stumbled on to this site. I am attracted to trans women. I have had a few trysts in the past. A couple of months ago I answered an ad for a youngster who was 33 years my younger and wanting to transition. I took her in and moved her in with me. She has struggled with family and legal issues from earlier in her life. She has struggled with coming out publicly and has gone back and forth several times. Right now she has left all her stuff here and gone back to clean up some issues from her past and has cut off contact with me until she gets them cleared up. We were just really starting to build a real relationship when she left. All I can say right now is that I really miss her.

  26. Ken says:

    Hi Tom, and anyone else who reads this. Hang in there with your relationship mate. It’s not easy and she will need your support. Cheers.

  27. Robert says:

    I really don’t know what to say that has not already been said. You have actually written a total commentary on how my life has been for so long. I am not that great of a writer or metaphysical thinker, but I do know that somewhere in the great and vast universe, there are guides who give us direction to look for the things that will ultimately make us happy, although, I do know that one must make themselves happy before they can make others happy. So without all the ideas about why we are the way we are, let me just congratulate you on shedding some very helpful insights on this topic as many men don’t quite understand their feelings about why they are so attracted to trans women and their physicality.
    Also, I wish you the best in your relationships whether current or future and commend you for your honesty about how you feel and the impact it has made on your life.

  28. Jim says:

    I came across this site about 8-10 years ago and I have come back from time to time to see what is new. Each time that I visit I get a little emotional knowing that some have gone through the same things. With that said, there have not been a great number of additional responses and comments which once again makes me ask, “where are we?”, we transoriented men? I KNOW you are out there. If we do not support each other, who will. Some are in relationships with genetic females, girlfriends, or married such as I am. (for the second time) Afraid to be our true selves, the person we know we are. If you are like me, it eats you up inside, it consumes your thoughts, makes you question if you can continue to live the way you do now. While I crave support, I know that it can only come from me. To make the decision to break yet another heart for the opportunity to fulfill what has been missing. God. it would be so nice to talk to someone that truly understands what it is like.
    To the site creator; THANK YOU!!!!

    • Admin says:

      Thanks Jim,
      Glad this site has meant a lot to you. Your response has prompted me to wonder about how such a community could or should form. Facebook would be ideal, but privacy makes that difficult for some. I will put some thought into it.

      Chris

      • Jim says:

        Chris,

        Thank you for your reply and I look forward to seeing what you might come up with.
        I am not a kid anymore and I do have a somewhat full life. It would be awesome to be able to help young people that may find themselves with the same questions. I do see a future of more understanding and acceptance. My issue was that I would constantly ask, “what am I?”. I am not gay, I do love the female form, I have fallen in love with women, then why do I crave something else? I find just that it makes sense that if there are people born in the wrong sex, that there would be people that are attracted to them and they are designed for each other.
        I am not judging (trust me, I’ve been there) but we men need to not look at these women as just sex objects. They are just like anyone else and want love and acceptance.

  29. B says:

    I’m glad I found this thread, because people are sharing real experiences. I can understand with more clarity why, at age 7, I was convinced Rupaul was one of the most beautiful women I’d seen on t.v.

    At my age, 29, it’s nice to read the reflections of mature men who’ve been in that state of confusion. Female friends I’ve had or have been with have accused me of being gay meanwhile they themselves were having sex with with their closest female friends. I’m not bitter, it is what is.

    Reading these posts this morning has helped me appreciate my trans friends more. Sometimes, I feel guilty for treating them like an illicit secret, when the majority of them are generally interesting people. But I don’t want that pressure to live a double life anymore. They need understanding, and affection as much as I do.

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