Description of Transoriented GuysNov 12th, 2010 | By Admin | Category: Articles about TO Men
Description of Transoriented Guys
In this article, I’ll attempt to summarize both the diversity and similarity of traits among guys with an attraction to transgendered women.
That’s quite a task, but I’ll do my best, and shape this article over time as opinions and further information becomes available. Much of the article is based on my opinion from conversations between transoriented men in real life and in forums and some surveys and studies that I’ve encountered.
Here are some bullet point opinions: (Some are quite speculative and I welcome others’ opinions. No doubt more studies and surveys are required.)
- Over 90% of transoriented men don’t consider themselves to be gay, those who do, consider themselves a different type of gay.
- Self-identified gays are rarely attracted to transwomen as partners, most feel any feminization is incongruous to their tastes.
- Often, transoriented men seek out passable transwomen with breast augmentation and who have taken considerable hormones to begin, but find with experience they may prefer transwomen in a less altered or femboy state. (This maybe because it’s not the trappings of femininity that attracts them, but the feminine character.)
- It’s rare that a man who seeks transwomen evolves into seeking gay men.
- Transoriented men’s preference for transwomen tends to grow over time and rarely reverts back to a preference for non-trans women.
- There is a category of men who seek transwomen who have some desire to be a transwoman or cross-dresser themselves, but this is not a common trend among transoriented men.
- Approximately 20% of transoriented men seek being topped as a preferred form of pleasure with a transwoman.
- A considerable percentage (30-50%) of transoriented men don’t find topping a necessary requirement in a relationship.
- Only around 5-10% of transoriented men have a preference for post operative (Sexually Reassigned) transwomen.
- Most transoriented men currently keep their interest a secret.
- Many transoriented men are or have been married.
- Over 95% of transoriented men who like transwomen have never had a serious relationship with one.
- Most transoriented men’s exposure to transwomen has been via Internet pornography and prostitution.
- A growing number of men are becoming aware of their transorientation due to internet exposure, pornography in particular.
- There is not a great deal known about successful relationships between transoriented men and transwomen, though such relationships are becoming increasingly common.
You don’t need to be Einstein to gather that the world of trans-relationships is hardly a goldmine of affectionate, romantic and inspirational stories, more-so a minefield of excuses for societal condemnation and marginalization. It is that fear of condemnation and marginalization that plays a significant role in why we don’t see more successful relationships and why those who have found them, usually prefer to remain in the shadows, in stealth.
As discussed in the article “Want to Know More About Guys who Like Transwomen“, men have long been the bane of women. Keeping men loyal and attracting them to marriage has been a challenge in society for millennium. In many traditional cultures, a man had to be bid for to attract him to marriage. In society today, there is a considerable social pressure placed on men to remain loyal, and without that, I’ve little doubt that promiscuity would run rampant.
I’m not saying that a promiscuous lifestyle ought to be the goal of man, but that man’s base desires prompt him in that direction. It is his own wisdom and social pressures that combine to provide an incentive to form loyal and lasting relationships.
However, the situation with transoriented men is very different, not only are such relationships devoid of social pressure to encourage them, there is a strong social pressure (or at least a fear of social condemnation), that discourages men seeking such relationships. Add to this the fact that most transoriented men have little knowledge of transwomen and almost no exposure to successful relationships, in real life or in the media.
Hence, the degree to which they are capable of wisdom, as an incentive toward pursuing a serious relationship for greater personal satisfaction, is far less developed than men’s knowledge regarding standard m/f relationships. We are saturated by stories full of advice and encouragement on making such relationships work from movies, tv shows, our churches, community, family and friends. These days even gays and lesbians have abundant stories, influences and role models available to them. That has helped in enabling more such couples to enter into serious relationships.
Another deterrent to successful relationships is that encounters between transoriented men and transwomen are rare compared to standard m/f relationships and often when they do occur, due to the way such encounters often begin, the transwoman may be working in prostitution, or may live a long distance away. Such encounters, even should they create that spark of serious interest, reduce the chances of a serious relationship flourishing.
All the points I am making here are an attempt to give a fair and accurate representation of transoriented men and the conditions that lead to their relationships with transwomen. People may not like all that they read, but current attitudes to transoriented men are full of incorrect assumptions and condemnation, so I feel it’s necessary to point out the hows and whys so that people can make a more balanced assessment of the traits of transoriented men and the circumstances that shape their lifestyle choices.
What I do know is that serious, happy and loving relationships do exist between transoriented men and transwomen, despite the many obstacles. That they are completely natural and satisfying to those involved, and like other relationships, they aren’t based primarily on sex. Sex is simply a part of the relationship, just like any successful relationship.
It’s unfortunate that sexual aspects need to be discussed in such detail in a forum encouraging relationships, but part of moving forward for transoriented men is dealing with the fact that a great deal of prejudice stems from assumptions or condemnation of the sexual aspect of their attraction. We must first explain that their is considerable diversity amongst transoriented men, as there is amongst straight men and gay men, regarding what goes on in the bedroom.
By explaining that diversity, it makes it harder for people to pigeon-hole transoriented men as such things as closeted gays, anal fetishists and so on. What transoriented men have in common, is an attraction to transwomen, and just as in the gay and straight communities, their sexual expressions and preference in shape, size and personality take diverse forms. They tend to appreciate a transwoman’s bodyparts in the same way that straight men appreciate women’s bodyparts. Some will point out that most transoriented men have a strong attraction to a transwomen’s penis, yet, when we consider a straight man, our thoughts aren’t immediately directed to the fact that most men have a strong attraction to women’s vaginas.
Some will ask, does the horse come before the cart? Does transorientation, (the seeking of emotional, romatic and sexual fulfillment with transwomen) evolve or mature out of a physical sexual desire for a particular body part of sexual activity, or is it inherent in the transoriented man’s wiring (so to speak), such that he has a natural inclination for relationships with transwomen and the sexual objectification in early years is simply a symptom of this, as is a straight man’s sexual objectification of female bodyparts in his early life.
Few would suggest that straight men develop the capacity for love for women based purely on the maturation of a sexual obsession. I think a better observation would be that there is a complementarity that satisfies a range of needs, spiritually, mentally, emotional and sexually that draws such people together. In the same way, I believe, that the same type of complementarity exists between transoriented men and transwomen and hence, all sexual attraction is a symptom, rather than the cause of this complementary attraction, of a transorientation.
Some say that what we seek is the missing aspect, or complementary aspect of ourselves. While the human diversity of attraction is too complex to explain with points upon a line or V shaped graphs, we can observe some relational tendencies, such as gay partners being generally less masculine and more feminine that most heterosexual men, and lesbian women often displaying more masculine traits than heterosexual women. Amongst these relationships, it is common that a balance is sought, whereby a relatively masculine gay is suited to a relatively feminine gay and a similar tendency exists with lesbian women. One might propose that transoriented men are generally more masculine than gay men, yet less masculine than heterosexual men, and that transwomen are at the extreme feminine side of gay men and hence, these two categories tend to find a balance, a sense of fulfillment when together.
While I think such a model is simplistic, I think it can be useful to some degree in helping people to consider such relationships as having a natural complementarity, that, transorientation represents a natural state for some men.
[Edit in response to comments 15/Oct/2013: In response to comments below, and further experience and thought, certainly, such models are way too simplistic and erroneous. There are masculine men who partner with masculine men, and feminine women who partner with other feminine women, and transoriented men which have cross-dressing, feminine, or even gay tendencies, and many that are as masculine in all measures as we might be able to identify… so the main point should be that, individuals are diverse, in terms of their own sexual and gender identity.]
We’ve discussed the what transoriented men are and how being transoriented may represent an authentic and natural category of person, rather than a fetish or platform for closeted homosexuals. We’ve also shown some of the obstacles that exist to social acceptance and the forming of serious relationships.
It’s the hope of transoriented.com to work toward improving that social understanding and acceptance of transoriented men, transwomen and the relationships they form as a way to reduce some of the obstacles that exist in forming relationships. We also intend to provide stories and advice that will help to improve the knowledge, wisdom and inspiration required by transoriented men and transwomen in finding and developing successful relationships.
Never before has it been so easy for potential couples to find each other, nor has there been a time when such information could be made available such that transoriented men and transwomen could better know themselves and the paths to successful relationships. The future will surely be better than the past.