Description of Transoriented Guys

Nov 12th, 2010 | By | Category: Articles about TO Men

Description of Transoriented Guys

by Admin

In this article, I’ll attempt to summarize both the diversity and similarity of traits among guys with an attraction to transgendered women.

That’s quite a task, but I’ll do my best, and shape this article over time as opinions and further information becomes available. Much of the article is based on my opinion from conversations between transoriented men in real life and in forums and some surveys and studies that I’ve encountered.

Here are some bullet point opinions:  (Some are quite speculative and I welcome others’ opinions. No doubt more studies and surveys are required.)

  1. Over 90% of transoriented men don’t consider themselves to be gay, those who do, consider themselves a different type of gay.
  2. Self-identified gays are rarely attracted to transwomen as partners, most feel any feminization is incongruous to their tastes.
  3. Often, transoriented men seek out passable transwomen with breast augmentation and who have taken considerable hormones to begin, but find with experience they may prefer transwomen in a less altered or femboy state. (This maybe because it’s not the trappings of femininity that attracts them, but the feminine character.)
  4. It’s rare that a man who seeks transwomen evolves into seeking gay men.
  5. Transoriented men’s preference for transwomen tends to grow over time and rarely reverts back to a preference for non-trans women.
  6. There is a category of men who seek transwomen who have some desire to be a transwoman or cross-dresser themselves, but this is not a common trend among transoriented men.
  7. Approximately 20% of transoriented men seek being topped as a preferred form of pleasure with a transwoman.
  8. A considerable percentage (30-50%) of transoriented men don’t find topping a necessary requirement in a relationship.
  9. Only around 5-10% of transoriented men have a preference for post operative (Sexually Reassigned) transwomen.
  10. Most transoriented men currently keep their interest a secret.
  11. Many transoriented men are or have been married.
  12. Over 95% of transoriented men who like transwomen have never had a serious relationship with one.
  13. Most transoriented men’s exposure to transwomen has been via Internet pornography and prostitution.
  14. A growing number of men are becoming aware of their transorientation due to internet exposure, pornography in particular.
  15. There is not a great deal known about successful relationships between transoriented men and transwomen, though such relationships are becoming increasingly common.

You don’t need to be Einstein to gather that the world of trans-relationships is hardly a goldmine of affectionate,  romantic and inspirational stories, more-so a minefield of excuses for societal condemnation and marginalization. It is that fear of condemnation and marginalization that plays a significant role in why we don’t see more successful relationships and why those who have found them, usually prefer to remain in the shadows, in stealth.

As discussed in the article “Want to Know More About Guys who Like Transwomen“, men have long been the bane of women. Keeping men loyal and attracting them to marriage has been a challenge in society for millennium. In many traditional cultures, a man had to be bid for to attract him to marriage. In society today, there is a considerable social pressure placed on men to remain loyal, and without that, I’ve little doubt that promiscuity would run rampant.

I’m not saying that a promiscuous lifestyle ought to be the goal of man, but that man’s base desires prompt him in that direction. It is his own wisdom and social pressures that combine to provide an incentive to form loyal and lasting relationships.

However, the situation with transoriented men is very different, not only are such relationships devoid of social pressure to encourage them, there is a strong social pressure (or at least a fear of social condemnation), that discourages men seeking such relationships. Add to this the fact that most transoriented men have little knowledge of transwomen and almost no exposure to successful relationships, in real life or in the media.

Hence, the degree to which they are capable of wisdom, as an incentive toward pursuing a serious relationship for greater personal satisfaction, is far less developed than men’s knowledge regarding standard m/f relationships. We are saturated by stories full of advice and encouragement on making such relationships work from movies, tv shows, our churches, community, family and friends. These days even gays and lesbians have abundant stories, influences and role models available to them. That has helped in enabling more such couples to enter into serious relationships.

Another deterrent to successful relationships is that encounters between transoriented men and transwomen are rare compared to standard m/f relationships and often when they do occur, due to the way such encounters often begin, the transwoman may be working in prostitution, or may live a long distance away. Such encounters, even should they create that spark of serious interest, reduce the chances of a serious relationship flourishing.

All the points I am making here are an attempt to give a fair and accurate representation of transoriented men and the conditions that lead to their relationships with transwomen. People may not like all that they read, but current attitudes to transoriented men are full of incorrect assumptions and condemnation, so I feel it’s necessary to point out the hows and whys so that people can make a more balanced assessment of the traits of transoriented men and the circumstances that shape  their lifestyle choices.

What I do know is that serious, happy and loving relationships do exist between transoriented men and transwomen, despite the many obstacles. That they are completely natural and satisfying to those involved, and like other relationships, they aren’t based primarily on sex. Sex is simply a part of the relationship, just like any successful relationship.

It’s unfortunate that sexual aspects need to be discussed in such detail in a forum encouraging relationships, but part of moving forward for transoriented men is dealing with the fact that a great deal of prejudice stems from assumptions or condemnation of the sexual aspect of their attraction. We must first explain that their is considerable diversity amongst transoriented men, as there is amongst straight men and gay men, regarding what goes on in the bedroom.

By explaining that diversity, it makes it harder for people to pigeon-hole transoriented men as such things as closeted gays, anal fetishists and so on. What transoriented men have in common, is an attraction to transwomen, and just as in the gay and straight communities, their sexual expressions and preference in shape, size and personality take diverse forms. They tend to appreciate a transwoman’s bodyparts in the same way that straight men appreciate women’s bodyparts. Some will point out that most transoriented men have a strong attraction to a transwomen’s penis, yet, when we consider a straight man, our thoughts aren’t immediately directed to the fact that most men have a strong attraction to women’s vaginas.

Some will ask, does the horse come before the cart? Does transorientation, (the seeking of emotional, romatic and sexual fulfillment with transwomen) evolve or mature out of a physical sexual desire for a particular body part of sexual activity, or is it inherent in the transoriented man’s wiring (so to speak), such that he has a natural inclination for relationships with transwomen and the sexual objectification in early years is simply a symptom of this, as is a straight man’s sexual objectification of female bodyparts in his early life.

Few would suggest that straight men develop the capacity for love for women based purely on the maturation of a sexual obsession. I think a better observation would be that there is a complementarity that satisfies a range of needs, spiritually, mentally, emotional and sexually that draws such people together. In the same way, I believe, that the same type of complementarity exists between transoriented men and transwomen and hence, all sexual attraction is a symptom, rather than the cause of this complementary attraction, of a transorientation.

Some say that what we seek is the missing aspect, or complementary aspect of ourselves. While the human diversity of attraction is too complex to explain with points upon a line or V shaped graphs, we can observe some relational tendencies, such as gay partners being generally less masculine and more feminine that most heterosexual men, and lesbian women often displaying more masculine traits than heterosexual women. Amongst these relationships, it is common that a balance is sought, whereby a relatively masculine gay is suited to a relatively feminine gay and a similar tendency exists with lesbian women. One might propose that transoriented men are generally more masculine than gay men, yet less masculine than heterosexual men, and that transwomen are at the extreme feminine side of gay men and hence, these two categories tend to find a balance, a sense of fulfillment when together.

While I think such a model is simplistic, I think it can be useful to some degree in helping people to consider such relationships as having a natural complementarity, that, transorientation represents a natural state for some men.

[Edit in response to comments 15/Oct/2013: In response to comments below, and further experience and thought, certainly, such models are way too simplistic and erroneous. There are masculine men who partner with masculine men, and feminine women who partner with other feminine women, and transoriented men which have cross-dressing, feminine, or even gay tendencies, and many that are as masculine in all measures as we might be able to identify… so the main point should be that, individuals are diverse, in terms of their own sexual and gender identity.]


We’ve discussed the what transoriented men are and how being transoriented may represent an authentic and natural category of person, rather than a fetish or platform for closeted homosexuals. We’ve also shown some of the obstacles that exist to social acceptance and the forming of serious relationships.

It’s the hope of to work toward improving that social understanding and acceptance of transoriented men, transwomen and the relationships they form as a way to reduce some of the obstacles that exist in forming relationships. We also intend to provide stories and advice that will help to improve the knowledge, wisdom and inspiration required by transoriented men and transwomen in finding and developing successful relationships.

Never before has it been so easy for potential couples to find each other, nor has there been a time when such information could be made available such that transoriented men and transwomen could better know themselves and the paths to successful relationships. The future will surely be better than the past.

Tags: , ,

26 Comments to “Description of Transoriented Guys”

  1. robert says:

    dear “admin”,
    great article and almost 100% out of my heart.
    I really hope that the future will provide a lesser judgmental public than what we have right now. As we know that same sex marriages are not acceptable in many countries but the discussion is well and truly on. However while authorities and public are in progress (very slowly though) to accept the desires of this minority group, a new “phenomena”, the third gender pops up in the society. Now all starts afresh b4 the previous issue is getting resolved. Very “stressful” for those straight guys and girls who are very quick and harsh in judging those “un-natural” desires, behaviours and relationships; including all the authorities which have to “deal” with these issues.
    As for me, I am 61 (grumpy old man) and in the progress to develop a relationship with a very beautiful, feminine Philippine ladyboy and we are very close to get her a visa to visit me in Australia. Of course since the society condemns this kind of activity we need to keep it our lil secret.

  2. Rob says:

    Rob’s story:
    Hey everyone, I want to tell you a bit about myself. I am pretty much your ordinary every day average Canadian guy, grew up with parents who are still together, had the normal childhood, grew up in rural New Brunswick, Canada.

    I have been in a few relationships with “normal” genetic women in my life, but never really felt right, never felt like myself. They all ended after not very much time had passed, the longest was over 7 years. We lived together for 3 years, then got married. Over the course of the next 4 years, we split up twice, got back together, and when we split the second time, we both realized it wasn’t working, and went our seperate ways.

    In the following few years, I’d been in a couple more relationships with women, and they didn’t work out either. Finally I was on a dating site, and met my first transgender woman. We were seeing each other for a few months, and are still very good friends. That relationship opened my eyes to what was missing in my life, all my life I was looking in the wrong places for love, and now I finally am being honest with myself.

    I am now in the best relationship ever, with the most amazing woman i’ve ever met. She is a very beautiful person, and not just in the physical sense. From the first time we talked, I have felt a connection with her, we have so much in common, and for the first time in my life, I really know what it feel like to actually love and care for another person.

    We met on a transsexual dating site, at first I was pretty nervous about making contact with her, I would log into the site daily, looking at profiles and pictures of the girls, but I kept going back to the same profile, time and time again, I just had this feeling deep inside, and finally just went ahead and sent her a message. she sent one back, and I kinda got busy with things, was going through a change in jobs, and moving to another province. Once I got settled into the new job, and got back on line again, i checked the same site again. I happened to be on one day, and saw she’d checked out my profile, and she was online.

    I took another chance. i sent her another email, and she responded. We chatted a bit on the site, and eventually exchanged email addresses, and began to talk through instant messages and emails. A while later, we added each other on facebook, then skype, and began talking every day.

    I was a bit nervous at first, having been hurt in my past, and not wanting it to happen again. As time went by, I found myself thinking about her all the time, my day not feeling complete untill i had a chance to chat online with her, and finding myself looking forward to talking with her.

    Then came my birthday, she asked me for my telephone number a couple days before, and I really didn’t think much of it at the time, then on my birthday the phone rings, it’s her, calling me from the Philippines to say happy birthday to me. That was the best birthday I ever had, that phone call was great, I heard the most beautiful voice telling me happy birthday.

    The next day I logged into facebook and we talked, and that was the first time I actually called her my girlfriend. We plan on being married, and starting a family together, we want to adopt a child together.

    I have told my friends of our relationship, and have a lot of support from all of them. Actually we are planning a double wedding, a friend of mine is engaged to a woman he’s been with a while now, and we are planning a double ceremony.

    I want to thank you all for this site, and all the people who have posted their stories here. I hope our story will help someone out there who is struggling with any issues, like the stories I read helped me.

    Heart’s story:

    Hi everyone, i am Heart, the future wife of Rob. I wanna tell you all some of my experiences and how we met online.
    I was just an ordinary TG living in the Philippines. Ever since, I never thought that I would find my half of heart on the other side of the world, even in my dreams.. I never thought that I would be like this.
    I am not that too feminine and I just contented for who I am. I never been to any surgical operations although it is still an option.
    I have been to many relationships too before like the other ordinary people around. Been hurt and cried a lot. Discrimanation is everywhere and even I didn’t escape it. There was once a guy who fell in love with me and we lived together for years, can’t remember the exact year but all I know that time was I fell in love with him head over heels. But I was not expecting him to marry me and be with me forever beacuse i knew from the very start that it wouldn’t work forever. Time passed and we seperated our ways, never had any communication and he was gone with the wind.
    One day when I was in an internet cafe, I checked my profile on one of the dating sites I joined expecting that someone will talk to me. Rob sent me a message and I replied. At first, I just thought it was just an ordinary email like what I am receiving everytime I open my account. Days passed and I received an email again from him. He asked me to add me on his contact list on a messenger. I gave him my email address and added him as well. That was the first time we talked. We asked some common questions and he opened that it will be his birthday on the next few days. So I just asked his number and thinking that I may greet him on his birthday because I can’t send him a birthday present to make him happy on his special day.
    His birthday came and I rang his phone. I greet him happy birthday and on the day before that, I took a picture with me holding a paper saying ” I like You, Happy Birthday” then I was surprised when he approaced and asking me if I can be his girlfriend. I answered him on that day, and i felt like I am the happiest person because that is the first time I experienced someone asking me to be his girlfriend sincerely.
    At first, I thought long distance relationship will not work out but we proved it wrong. We keep talking everyday, he keeps sending emails and I try to reply to him as much as i can even time and distance are the big problems in our relationship.
    We exchange facebook accounts and still up to now we are using it to communicate.
    As I am writing these, Rob is planning to come to Philippines and live with me for a year then we will go together in Canada and get married and will make a new family with our adopted son.
    Thank you all for giving us the chance to share our stories. I hope and I am looking forward that we touched and helped you realized that true love still exist.

    • Admin says:

      Thanks Rob and Heart so much for posting your story! This is very much the kind of content I wanted this site to present. I know exactly what you are both going through and wish you so much luck.

    • Roni says:

      I was very inspired by reading this article & then the replies. I am a Trans woman myself & have wanted a serious relationship for some time now. I have dated men for quite some time since I have been out early 2000. I had two long relationships where I gave everything trying to get what I wanted & after this last failed attempt I decided to hold out for the kind of man I really deserve. It’s been rather difficult so I am currently thinking outside the box here. I live in PA but considering moving to CA. It’s a start anyway, maybe if I don’t find a good guy there it will open some doors to some other dreams. I am writing a book about my life & as a Trans person I have many stories especially since I am a Twin. I lost my brother to suicide but I feel him guiding me towards my true happiness. I have a lot to offer & I am as sweet as they come. I love to cook, history excites me as much as nature & live music. I write a lot & connected to a large network of Trans woman like myself. We keep talking about relationships & the thing I am realizing is I need to either find a more aggressive man who isn’t afraid to approach me or I need to start telling people I am attracted to them. I am beautiful inside as well as out, one day someone is going to be a very lucky guy to meet me.
      Thank you all for the inspiring words & a little faith. If there are guys like you all, there had to be more?! 😉 <3
      Warmly, Roni Hepner

  3. Confused Girlfriend of a transoriented man says:

    I recently discovered that my boyfriend of two years may be a transoriented man. I found out that during g our 3 month breakup, he had inquired a Craigslist ad.. In his email, he had stated that he is a straight man but have always been sexually attracted to transgenders. I was obviously shocked when I discovered this as he has never mentioned that he had this preference. Another thing is that I found pictures of him in women’s lingerie. He does not know that I’ve made this discoveries. I really need advice on how to handle this situation. I love him but I have high doubts about this intentions for me after these discoveries. I don’t know if I should address this with him or just turn the other shoulder or just end things. I am on desperate need of answers and advice.. Please help!!!

    • Bella says:

      I just found out the same, ive been really confused for some days. we got this cute baby together and another boy age 7.
      I knew something was wrong, but this came as a bomb. never ever thought about t.s people before. think the hole thing is a bit wierd. From a normal boring house wife w baby life last week have felt like a crime scene. i can suddenly see the hole web. I think this is so dark that i will berry the secret.

  4. Robert says:

    Dear Author,

    Thank you, thats the best description I have found in over ten years of searching. I hope that with time there will be more social awareness and cohesiveness and less bigotry for transoriented men as there are for Trans-people.

  5. Elizabeth says:

    Dear Author:
    In general I tend to agree with the intent of this article, however as a transwoman I don’t agree with the characterization that we are the “extreme feminine side of gay men,” that is focusing purely on anatomy and discounts the spirit or soul if you will of the transwoman. We are in essence female pure and smple, which I assume you know and our anatomy is an accident of birth, regardless of the reasons, and while a transoriented man maybe attracted to our male genitalia that has no bearing on our true nature. I found that characterization offensive and clearly I take exception to it. I feel you need to do more research into the nature of transsexuality before you write about us further. Thank you.

    • Commentor says:

      I agree with Elizabeth. In general the spirit of this article is very positive and I would like to thank the author for the work that went into it. However, the implication that trans women are the “extreme feminine side of gay men” is blatantly offensive to trans women. As a transoriented man myself, I greatly appreciate this site, and all the work that has gone into it, on the other hand, the assumption that transoriented men are “less masculine than heterosexual men” seems like an insult to the very audience this site is trying to attract. Though you address the oversimplification of this paragraph in the paragraph that follows, I believe the article would have made more sense had these biased observations been left out.

      • Admin says:

        I’ve added an amendment to the article, in response to the comments above.

        It is a learning process and I sincerely appreciate your contributions.

    • Elenor says:

      I heartily second Elizabeth. The characterization of trans women as “gay men” is asinine, not merely oversimplistic. I’m a transsexual woman, and mostly same-sex oriented. (Clue, that means I like women!) I’m not a man, never have been a man, and have no interest in men. To characterize trans women as gay men is a poor analysis indeed.

      I’ve been trying to figure this site out, give it a generous hearing. But in most of these articles there is a blithe willingness to erase trans women’s identity as WOMEN, an unhealthy fixation upon pre-op genitalia, and a sort of coopting of trans identities to service what still looks to me like fetishization. This site shows precious little consideration for most trans women’s realities in which such body parts are little more than a birth defect. It would be nice if you trans chasers would show a little cognizance of what it means to fixate on physical issues that cause many of us alot of SUFFERING. Does that never matter to chasers? I pity the poor transsexual woman who falls in love with such a man, only to be tossed aside when she has SRS. For many trans women, chasers’ so-called “orientation” ends up being counterproductive. Evidently, such men will not simply respect us as women. So much for complementarity!

      I’ll also add that there’s a bit of a shiver when I read of how often chasers go for sex tourism, exploiting trans women in poor third world countries like Thailand and the Philipines. It would probably be too much to ask for a little self-reflection of the power dynamic involved in that sort of situation, though.

      • Lu says:

        This site, or the phenomenon which it represents, is not really that difficult to figure out at all. The concept is simple. We are simply a subset of men with an atypical or unconventional sexual/romantic attraction and we express our thoughts here in order to develop a deeper understanding of ourselves.

        Our trans-orientation is legitimate. It is often outside of our control. Many of us have held this attraction since as far back as early adolescence and we cannot change our attraction despite the heteronormative conditioning of our society or the disapproval of the people around us. For many men, this is not a mere fetish but rather an authentic and unchangeable sexual orientation. We would prefer that you refrain from using insults and disparaging terms such as “chaser”.

        I appreciate that you have expressed how you personally feel about the situation, but one problem I have with the online trans-community (and here I am referring to the internet trans-“activist” types) is that they tend to promulgate their own transsexual experience and their own vision of what it means to be a “real” transwoman as some sort of doctrinal truth. They typically promote the standardized narrative that all “true” transwomen have always felt like women trapped in male bodies, suffer immensely from gender dysphoria and feel repulsed by their own penis, etc. However, the reality is that there are many distinct transsexual experiences, not just your own version, and that not all transwomen feel the same way. Not all have felt the same severity of gender dysphoria and not all feel uncomfortable with their own penis. Some are non-op and don’t mind having their original male genitalia. Not all transwomen are offended by trans-oriented men. Some of them have no problem with trans-attraction. Only the highly vocal “activist” types, with their dogmatic views of how a transwoman ought to be, find offense in the phenomenon.

        As a proposed solution to your concerns, I believe that honesty is the key for the long-term wellbeing of everyone. We should be open and upfront about what we want in a relationship. Guys who like girls with penises should make an effort to search for a non-op transwoman. The girls should be open about their plans and desires. That way nobody will end up getting hurt emotionally. By the way, some trans-oriented guys like post-op transwomen. I am one of such men.

        “Exploiting transwomen”; “Power dynamic”: This is the kind of nonsense that only arises from a naïve and incomplete understanding of human society and it is almost always tinged with a simplistic one-way feminist perspective that distorts the reality of things.

        Far from the feminist fantasy of exclusive male power, the truth is that women hold a certain kind of power over men. They use their own female sex appeal and feminine charm in order to exploit the naturally high male sex drive. They use the commodities of sex and female companionship in order to extract resources from men and benefit from male utility. That is how sexual biology has worked for millennia and most women understand this either consciously or subconsciously. PROSTITUTION is simply a more formalized and commercialized form of this natural relationship. It is a more honest and upfront version of the deal. The man agrees to hand over a fixed amount of money and the woman or transwoman agrees to perform a determined service. It is a mutual agreement between two people. That’s all. A high-quality escort makes way more money at a much quicker rate than the average woman who works some shitty regular job (and is really exploited and demeaned in the corporate world). True female power lies in female sexuality and smart women know this.

        The real reason why feminists have such a big problem with prostitution is because they know that if the sex industry were to be legalized in Western countries then as a consequence men would have much greater sexual options and would no longer need to expend so many resources in relationships with women like themselves just for sex. In over words, the increased availability of sex at a reasonable cost would end up pricing the average Western feminist woman out of the market.

  6. Comm1r says:

    Many points fit to me. Thank you. This article helps me to understand myself who am I. It is to bad I didn’t find such information 10 years ago.

  7. Dollfan says:

    Wow! Glad I found this site. Love the concepts and discussions. My story is similar to many mentioned here. I currently moderate a yahoo group of over 600 men and transwomen in Austin, TX. The group was originally called “Tranny Chasers United”. When the originator had to shut it down, I revived it as Transgender Admirers Group. I try to focus on long term relationships and many members have expressed interest in this area. However the majority of our group is made up of “hobbyist” and “providers”. Surprisingly, at least among the more vocal members, there seems to be a lot of desire of the men to bottom. I was curious as to where your stats came from. Unfortunately, for many men seeing escorts the only way they feel they have to form relationships with or even meet Transwomen. Many cannot for economic, political or family reasons be open about their interests or activities. Even on a personal level, I’m wasn’t sure how would actually react the first time I touched another penis yet alone was intimate with the feminine possessor. So for many of us, escorts are the gateway into this arena. In some ways, I think its better than trying to have a relationship and stumble through all the clumsiness that goes with the early realization of this orientation. We end up hurting these ladies and breaking their hearts as we are trying to find our way. I have had some great conversations with providers who have given me great advice and insight. I do feel like I make a connection with them and we remain friends. I’ll be interested to see how this orientation grows. As a “billion wicked thoughts shows” our orientation is quite normal based on internet searches.

  8. Emily says:

    You say the attraction for trans women increases over time and “rarely reverts back to non trans women” – can a man equally be attracted to both or are there any men on here that are? If one can be bi-sexual then surely one can like two types of women?

  9. savanna marie fernandez says:

    I love the website great info on trans attracted men

  10. Bob says:

    Hi All

    Would the person who wrote this article take a bow please, or run for president, or congress, or somewhere that gives them the ability to represent the un represented. I live in the UK, in London. I am transoriented but my current life built upon my hetroprogramming means that I am unable to follow my desires. I have been married for years and have children but I have been having extra marital loving affairs with transwomen. This isn’t fair on the women or my wife as I feel I am using the trans women and cheating on my wife.

    I’m stuck. The explanations in this article I identify with 100%.



  11. Franko says:


    Many years ago I became a leather worker for the gay community, its not a demographic that I sought out per say, but I knew that it would definitely be a demographic that could truly appreciate my mad skills with a sewing machine, not to mention my imagination that translated to some unique leather crafting that was looked at as weird from the “straight” crowd…bare with me here, this has a lot of relevance to this topic…

    Having become such a staple in the community (I was THE go-to guy) I found myself included in all aspects of the LGBT…events, groups and related things…

    up until this point, I had been with cis women…was married for a few years and all that stuff…now, I am also a musician, so meeting women was never a problem…in fact it seemed that I didn’t have to put much effort into meeting women unlike most other men…lets face it, your up on stage noodleing on a guitar, and if your any good, your just cool and everyone wants to be your friend and/or want to hook up with you…

    …as a leather worker in the gay village, most women I met were trans…I never looked at a trans women to be any different than a cis woman…I was just born with an open mind…

    one year, I had a client that had acquired the “Mr. Leather” title and was to head the pride parade…in the 2 weeks I was getting him ready I had met a lovely young lady (who was non-op trans) and I decided to make a move, I asked her out and a few months later we were quite serious about one another…although I wasn’t mainly attracted to her physical anatomy I soon found that it just fit in my world and I wasn’t just ok with it, I was into it…why? I really don’t know and I don’t think I could ever answer that question…

    we were together for 3 years, even got engaged…It eventually ended (which had nothing to do with the transgender aspect) … After that relationship I had realized that I couldn’t possibly ever go back to cis women…

    now, I was never in to porn…I don’t dress up in women’s clothing…and I have no desire to be a girl…

    All my friends and family know exactly what I’m into…ive never hidden anything as I always felt that if I did I wouldn’t be honest with myself…I don’t care who knows, and I don’t care what people think.

    I soon felt that labels like “admirer” and “chaser” were quite offensive…I do identify as a trans-oriented man, but being called such names/labels is no better than me calling or labelling a trans woman as “not a real woman”…unfortunately I also found and experienced a lot of prejudice FROM the trans community for being who I am…you know, its like, what could a straight guy possibly want with a tran other than fetishization!?!!

    I don’t know where i fit in, in all of this, percentage wise lol…but Ill tell you this…I don’t jerk off to tranny porn, Im not into other men, I don’t fetishize trans women and like i already mentioned I don’t dress up in women’s clothes and I have no desire to be a woman either…

    I am very comfortable with myself and my likes, and I never once hesitated to point out what I am into…why should I, Im not embarrassed about who I am…

    Im not into internet dating, since I find most sites that cater to my interests are not very classy and for lack of better words…disgusting…maybe Im not looking in the right places, but generally Ive found that a lot of sites just add fuel to the whole fetishization aspect…and in real life…Im just another tranny chaser, and Im not taken seriously…

    I am part of a Trans alliance site as an “ally” and even there, I feel very excluded…

    I hope that my story can add to your research 🙂


  12. Danny says:

    I don’t know if I’m a TO man. I was in a bdsm club [not entirely relevant] and this beautiful person walked into the room. I recognised her as a transgender woman. We got to talk about our shared interest and took it from there. I want to be more than a play-partner with this woman. I’ve had a few ‘foot-in-mouth’ episodes which is why I’m researching now. I want to strengthen this relationship. With regard to the points above:
    I do not see transwomen as the “extreme feminine side of gay men,”
    I do not subscribe to the idea that I am somehow “less male” than a hetorosexual man. I’m 62 years+ and have always considered myself heterosexual. [yes I agree that there is a continuum of ‘maleness’ but that maleness is more to do with hormones than anything else] The point I am making here is that my attraction to one particular transgender woman does not make me ‘less than’.
    I do not consider myself attracted to men.
    The ‘skeleton’ in my cupboard has been my bdsm-ness [whose ‘outing’ has cost me dearly in terms of personal/family relationships] and not my sexual orientation.

  13. This admin posting makes a dignified and brave attempt at explaining the inexplicable. As it is mentioned later on in the article, describing trends is hard because sexuality is as individual as the crystals formed on a snowflake.

    I would say this: for me, I have identified the OTHER aspects of why I prefer transgender women than the sex piece. I prefer transgender women because I connect with them emotionally and intellectually. I find because of their experiences with discrimination that they are able to understand and identify with my experiences with the same as an African American man. Trans women understand the duality of gender in a way that resonates with my own personal experiences as a man who has often been called not masculine enough, while at the same time feeling drawn to the softer things in life. I do not mean to suggest that femininity is only poetry and roses, nor that masculinity is only couched in terms of jock straps and baseball gloves, but for sure there are stereotypes and for sure I have pinched by them. And I love Rilke and Baudelaire, tea roses and peonies; I also love the Colorado Rockies, the Blackhawks, and the Broncos! Trans women understand the complexity of these sentiments and the ways that I express my own way of being male sui generis better than cis-gender women ever can.

    Yes, I am more sexually attracted to transgender women. I find them beautiful and I appreciate their multi-valent bodies…but that is definitely NOT where the story ends for me: I identify and support trans women because their view of life, on the whole (though not in every circumstance, of course) resonates with my own. My attraction to trans women, then, is a deeply personal thing…and that really is probably the truth for all of us…

  14. Mike says:

    The article is pretty much spot on. I’m glad that the world is opening up.

    In addition to the attractions you mention I’d like to add something. I’m a man that fits the “used to be married” category. I’m the product of a single parent home and did not have a father around. I believe I am more sensitive than the average guy. I was in a verbally abusive and completely unsupported situation in marriage. I grew tired of women in general, they’re a turn off. I find that a transgender woman understands me more and are genuinely happy to meet a man that loves them. That love in their heart means more to me than any sexual fantasy could.

    I did have a couple experiences about 5 years apart from one another but the last was over a decade ago. I have felt this way for a very long time and am only now beginning to feel more comfortable and explore having a meaningful relationship. It won’t be easy, but life is short and I need to see what I can manage. The only person that needs to accept it is my son and I think he’ll be okay with it, he’s young.

    Thanks for listening!

  15. Kevin says:

    This article is a breath of fresh air. For years I didn’t know how or why I was attracted to transgender women. I thought I was gay then I thought I was bisexual; its only in the last couple of years that I’ve come to realize that this is just who I am and that is fine. Just as a straight man is attracted to cisgender women I am attracted to transgender women. It doesn’t have to make sense and I don’t need to explain it to anyone. In some was this has been a curse but today I am hopeful I can find a transgender women to share my life with. Thank you for your article and this website.

    • Fifth Dentist says:

      My motto is: “We like what we like.”
      As long as it doesn’t hurt others, there’s no reason for people to get their panties in a bunch.

  16. Mike says:

    These are interesting and informative perspectives. I my own case, I was single and looking thru a tabloid paper of adult entertainment and came across a photo of a woman that looked like the very attractive sister of a former girlfriend. I was captivated by the photo and it turned out to be a Trans gendered person. Several years passed and I found myself in a unknown club in NYC that the majority of guests that night were Trans women. This was about were my Trans oriented interest began. I returned to the club several times and had several dates with one of the bartenders. Socially we hit it off and I found that I really enjoyed that these women put a tremendous amount of effort into being feminine. When we became intimate, the gender roles were strictly male (me) and female(her). I have never had any male on male fantasies and have none today. Frankly I just found that I was with a beautiful women with something “extraneous”. I have known 3 Trans women in my life and have had years long intermittent dating relationships with each. Throughout my adult life, my public life is that of a Hetero male with Genetic female relationships. These relationships have always included mutual oral satisfaction. This is were an earlier post comment that said Trans oriented interest only grows comes into play. Over time I did begin to fantasize about gratifying my partner orally. I think of this as something I do “for” my partner not because of a need to self gratify. I do concern myself with satisfying a specific person rather than any thought of being a sub in a random hook up. Each of my relationships began with strict roles and expended to add a little experimentation. So, to sum things up, I don’t know where I fit, or if I need to, but I do not fantasize about gay male on male contact, and, other than an occasional prostate massage, I’ve never been penetrated nor have any desire to be. I do love to treat beautiful transsexual women as beautiful women. So I am a trans oriented top that is open to being versatile orally. If I need a label, I guess that is it.

  17. Yan says:

    May I propose:


    Coniungere (latin “to combine, to connect”), Sexualis (latin “sexual”)

    A person whose sexual attraction is exclusively directed towards another person combining feminine as well as masculine traits. This includes androgynous and non-operative transgender individuals.

    I identify as such. No fetish, no fantasy. Just natural attraction.

  18. Sammy says:

    Very insightful article.

    Im a cis female and my boyfriend recently let me know that he has met up with transwomen from craigslist a few times and has felt ashamed afterwards, and that he enjoys transwomen porn. He says he loves me and that I turn him on, but i wonder if he will get bored of me, if i’m not truly what he is attracted to. I love him, and i dont judge what he is attracted to, i just worry that he wont stay attracted to me long term. Can a transoriented man find full lasting satisfaction with a cis female?

    ** Specifically point number five “Transoriented men’s preference for transwomen tends to grow over time and rarely reverts back to a preference for non-trans women.” – Do you think he just doesnt really know yet? or is ashamed? or can he truly have capacity for attraction to both cis and trans woman?

    Thanks for sharing your stories everyone! and I appologise if this isnt the right place for questions like this, i just couldnt find anywhere i thought made more sense with people who seem to know what they are talking about.

Leave a Comment