A Survey of 40 Transoriented Men on Having Serious Relationships with trans women

Mar 5th, 2011 | By | Category: Articles about TO Men, Relationship Advice to TO Men, Surveys / Studies

This survey was a pleasant surprise to me, particularly as it was conducted amongst a forum of transoriented men, most of whom are or have been regular visitors to Thailand’s ‘ladyboy’ bars, as they are referred to there. The forum tends to be a place to share war stories and links to pornography and has historically taken aim at naive newbies who fall in love on their first journey, warning them of the risks and low probability of achieving relationship success.

However, the mood has changed in recent times as more men have found themselves in relationships and as some tire of the prostitution scene. I think it bids well for the future of such relationships. Anyway, here are the results of the survey!

I AM in a ‘long term’ relationship: 9
I tried it before and I WOULD do it again: 7
EVENTUALLY I do want a serious relationship: 2
Maybe. If it happens, it happens: 8
I tried it before… so NEVER again: 1
Transwomen are for sexual purposes ONLY: 7
I’ve NEVER considered it. It’s a crazy notion: 2
I’ll stick with the GGs* for relationships: 4

*GGs = Genetic Girls, a term often used to refer to women assigned female at birth.

To summarize, nearly half are in or would like to be in a serious relationship with a transwoman and another 20% would consider it if they meet the right girl. About one third ruled it out as an option.

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18 Comments to “A Survey of 40 Transoriented Men on Having Serious Relationships with trans women”

  1. Jane says:

    That result was surprising me, but there are some suspicious question on my mind due to method survey, because those item for me still lack of significant explanation, like how the approaches of survey had been doing, or what kind of men who attracted to trans women based on their age, occupation, or marital status. Hopefully, I have got the further information about that.

    Thanks in advance,

    Jane

  2. This is the information that we need to have good relationships!

  3. Randi says:

    Love this resource…have been searching for something healthy like this for a long time…

  4. Jimmy V says:

    I just can’t imagine not wanting a serious/real relationship if each individual answers what is truly in their heart.

  5. Troy K says:

    I was in a LTR with a trans-woman for 8 years. I have dated trans-women exclusively for the last 13 yrs. I did a video interview with a good friend of mine about being a trans-attracted man. here’s the link –
    http://youtu.be/xNqQHiPc2vE

  6. Mary says:

    Hey there… just wanted to let you know that the use of the term genetic woman (GG) is generally seen by trans woman as offensive. Most cis women have never had their genetics tested and don’t know what their genetics are. It also implies that trans women are less than cis women. Also, see how I used cis twice to refer to women who aren’t trans? If you want to date a trans woman, use the language of the trans community.

  7. Randy says:

    I have been in a few long term relationships.

  8. Chelsea Biggins says:

    In response to the men who would never consider a relationship with a transwoman and only a “gg” which I think is stupidly offensive, I really don’t think a transwoman would want to date you, especially in my case I prefer open-minded guys who are intellectual, are comfortable with themselves and happy to go against what society tells us is the correct way to live and love.

    • Scot says:

      I look forward to the day when i find a healthy relationship with a TW, as a TOriented Man. I have been married to regular women too often, for too long=39 years????. I am feeling isolated right now, believing that the small town I live near, is part of the challenge, as less folks to be in contact with. My friend Swan, is transforming, and that is good for her, and me. However, it would be such a relief to be near a mature, stable TW. I have my challenges in life, but who I am, does not seem to really be one of them. I do not like pornography when I feel like this. All it does is show me what could be, but clearly is not at this time. I could have sex now, with more than one candidate of regular women, just not The Real Deal. I do not want to date in a casual way. I DO have a lively desire to merge body, mind, soul energy, with one person, on a daily basis. I have been part of a Tripod in the past, and that was better than nothing, just not as stable as is best. I seem to be a total romantic. My orientation has become more prominent, as a result of nearly dieing three times in 2009 & 2012. Like Caitlyn Jenner said, if I were to die today without having formed a solid relationship at least once in this lifetime, I would conclude I had wasted my whole life here. Where is She who is for me, and me for her?

      • Katelyn says:

        Hi Scot,

        I feel your pain in this email thread. Unfortunately, if I were to have Caitlyn Jenner’s outlooks, I would feel like a total failure in this life. I feel that there is too much stigma wrapped around men who like transwomen. Perhaps in another 30 year, transwomen and TO-men will be no longer a topic of hushed taboo.

        I’m single and have been the entire time I have transitioned. If someone had have told me that I would be single, I would never have elected to go under the knife. I am a bright, articulate, and passionate woman with a good head on my shoulders – yet, because I do not have a “lady stick,” for whatever reason, I’m not dating material – or so it seems.

        • Scot says:

          Katelyn, Somehow I just now found your post from October 31, 2015…Thank you for your reply. It is 0402 AkDTime now. I would appreciate your help in understanding this world of trans-fluidity, identity. The terminology is all new. How could you not be “dating material”? I would love to meet you. When someone asks if I am asking them for a date, I usually say, well, how about an appointment? I see us as souls with physical bodies, so the genetics, the equipment, seems less important to me. This world of online reality is still foreign to me, as you can see, I missed your post. Please post again. I feel less alone now, having read your words. I watched a video from Spain of a man transitioning to woman, under the knife. At one point, I wondered what I was doing, since I had multiple surgeries due to accident during chemo therapy. My point is that I am willing to learn about a person, looking more for the soul connection, the mental, emotional, spiritual connection that for me must underlie a physical connection. I will be 62 in March, and my body is pretty beaten up. I CAN chain saw logs into rounds, split them, and stack them. Earlier tonight I was telling a friend I must reach out more to the universe-to real people-people who can identify with me, and me with them. If we lived near each other, we could at least have coffee or other. Do you shoot pool? I have been practicing lately to help my eye hand co-ordination… Thanks again for writing. Scot.

  9. David says:

    I was surprise at a couple responses to guys that filled out the questionnaire that they would only want to date GG’s. I don’t see why they is so offensive? As long as they are not offensive or worse they have their preference like we have ours. To those lady’s get over yourselves. This is why I don’t like dating American woman of any kind because of their attitude.

  10. Nick C says:

    I have been following Jazz Jenkins now for several years and with the premiere of TLCs “I am Jazz”, eyes are going to be opened.

    • Scot says:

      Jazz is great; just so young. Caitlyn Jenner is awesome, just way beyond me. Janet Mock, ditto. I need a regular type of TW, although I would be honored to associate with anyone who has that kind of courage and commitment.

  11. Chris says:

    Hi All —
    I’m a documentary filmmaker who has just finished a documentary on a transgender/transoriented relationship, but I’d like to take it to the next level and show a wider spectrum of transoriented men and discuss the stigma that hetero-normative society inflicts on them.

    If you’re a male between the ages of 16 and 100 years, who has an orientation for transwomen, OR if you’re a transwoman who is in a relationship (or has had relationships, good or bad) with a man who has an orientation for transwomen — I’d love to hear your stories, if you’re willing to share them.

    The doc I’m making is meant to help END the hetero-public shaming of men who are attracted to transwomen with the hopes that it will inspire greater acceptance for the love that can take place between humans of all orientations.

    So far, I have several arts council grants to make the film, but I’ve only met a few people who are willing to speak on camera about their experiences around this subject.

    Please contact me at zigger.bc@hotmail.com. I assure you, your stories will remain private unless you otherwise agree to share them on camera.
    Chris B

    • Ken says:

      G’day Chris, I hope the documentary is going okay. I’d be willing to contribute if you ‘re still working on it because I think the topic needs more exposure so that we break down prejudices and barriers. I am in a long term relationship with my transgender partner. She said something to me when we first started dating that made me very sad; she had reconciled with the possibility that she may never experience a long term loving relationship. Hopefully she no longer feels like that. Cheers.
      Ken

  12. Still recovering says:

    i just need to share my experience, I’ve never spoken about it to anyone in close to 15 years but after coming across this site I feel the urge to speak out for the first time. I was on a search for love, a love that would last a life time. I was in college the first time I had a long term relationship with a gurl who to this day still makes my heart skip a beat when I think about her. We met in class and I pursued her for a year before she let me know her secret but I loved her sooo much by then that it wasn’t anything I cared about at all. After college our lives went in different directions and with a heavy heart we said goodbye.

    She moved West and I moved to Manhattan where I concentrated on my new career for what felt like an eternity but in reality after 6 months I felt ready to date again. I knew I wanted to date another TW and living in NYC gave me the opportunity to do so. I didn’t know where to look at first the a street paper pointed me in the direction of a bar. I was shocked at how much fun I had the first couple times I went out and was eager to get up the nerve to talk to the sexy blonde that was there both nights prior but she was with another guy. They looked very happy the precious times but that night was different. They were arguing outside, he walked off and she went back into the bar. I saw the argument but didn’t hear what was said. I just knew she looked upset so my empathy kicked in and got up the nerve to talk. She didn’t want to talk about anything that had happened but I finally got a laugh out of her and it kicked off a night of great chemistry and when she asked if I’d like to go back to her place in midtown It was easy for me to say yes. I’m allergic to alcohol so I’m always ordering soda or Shirley temples for myself (I’m already being honest lol) I just wanted to use the bathroom before leaving so I left my drink and stood in line. If you’ve ever been to a bar in NYC the lines are attrociuous but could be hilarious at the same time but within 10 minutes I was in and out. I finished my soda while she finished her wine and we left.

    It took a little while to get a taxi but as soon as we were in the back seat of one she pulled me over to her and we started making out. I wasn’t feeling myself at that point, like the lights were still on but no one was home. We made it to her building and by the time we made it to her door I was fading in and out of consciousness. I woke up for brief moments while being raped and would pass back out. All I can remember mumbling was condom but I doubt she cares to wear one. I started to become coherent hours later and , the minute I could walk I ran. She was showering and didn’t see me wake up but I was still too woozy to confront her about what happened. I left, made it to the subway and finally back to my apartment where I slept for another day.

    I NEVER thought that could happen to me. I’m strong, athletic and can handle myself in a fight so the possibility of being raped never even crossed my mind. I lost a part of myself I can never get back… my ability to trust. I haven’t been back to a bar since but hope one day I will find the love of my life. Thank you for letting me share this with you, just remember to be cautious in your endeavors

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